Confidence
March 9, 2010 Leave a Comment
Confidence, assertiveness, healthy communication, healthy relationships, self-esteem. It’s a package deal.
It also takes time. How long does it take? Just like healing from an abusive relationship, or any trauma, you can not set your clock ~ it’s different for each person. Everyone heals differently ~ everyone masters their own way of communicating and achieving healthy relationships.
In order for the relationships to be healthy, the communication must also be healthy. (Communication is important in all types of relationships). In healthy relationships each person feels valued and respected. If someone makes you feel bad, ashamed, scared or angry, that person is probably not very healthy. Always remember that no one has the right to make you feel bad or ever hurt you. And it is not always words that is communicated – it is body language too!
It’s important to have boundaries in your relationships. And communicate that with individuals. If you do not have healthy communication skills, you can not communicate those boundaries with individuals.
Work on your communication skills, even if you have to practice them out loud by yourself, do it! Practice with a friend that you feel safe with. But practice. You may feel silly at first, that’s okay. If you do not feel confident in your communication skills now, you will after a while. It won’t take long. But it may save your life.
Do you know your boundaries? Do you feel confident that you could tell someone “No, I do not want to go to that party with you” or “No, I do not like what Sally is doing and I am not going to do it”, and feel confident that it does not matter what your friends may think after you voice your opinion?
If your friends still try to talk you into doing something after you tell them you do not want to go along with them, they are not your friends. If you have informed them of your values, and they disrespect you, there’s your answer ~ they disrespect you and your values.
Why would you want to be friends with anyone that disrespects you? You can use that example for any situation in life ~ just fill in the blanks.
As much as some people like to think they are mind readers, they are not. We need to communicate what are boundaries are; such our how a person talks to you, how they treat you, how someone might touch you, etc.
When it comes to dealing with family or intimate relationships and communication, it could be more difficult while learning. If you develop these skills prior to becoming involved in an intimate relationship, it will be that much easier; if you are both healthy communicaters!
Go with your gut. Paying attention to those signals inside will help you stay in touch with your needs and fears. If you don’t, maybe you are feeling pressured by your friends or family. This may mean you need to work on your communication skills, and that’s okay. Sometimes it’s hard to work against what others expect of you, you may ignore what your heart tells you. Sometimes we don’t listen to ourselves because we tend to want to please everyone, or we may not want to look bad, and it may be easier just to do what others want us to do or be popular. But, how does that make us feel in the end?
So this means you’ll have to speak up for yourself. Yes! You deserve to be heard. Everyone does. At first, it may seem like people are judging you. You may not be used to speaking up about your feelings and boundaries. It takes courage and confidence, but you should work on putting yourself first. How can others know what you believe in until they hear from you?
