Reflection

19 years ago today, the man I shared my life with brutally attacked my son.

As I reflect on the years I am filled with pride. My son has grown into a God-loving young man. At the time of the abuse, he was a joyful blonde blue-eyed intelligent 4-year-old boy attending a Montessori school in South Florida. Always happy, his appetite to learn was addicting. He graduated from college at the age of 20 with a business degree and continues to amaze me with his thirst to help others. He has also chosen to live a joyful life.

The maze of life my son and I have lived in the past 19 years were for a purpose. The monster that was in our life was also for a purpose. Did I believe this then? No. It is incredibly painful for anyone to live through domestic violence and then walk into your own home and find your child in the condition my son was that evening 19 years ago. The walk my son and I have been taking these past 19 years have not only been for ourselves; I believe it is for others to learn; from our voices. Our words. Our actions.

For anyone that is involved in a domestic violence situation and has children – if the abuser hasn’t physically hurt the child “yet”, they most likely will eventually. In the meantime, the children are being hurt emotionally. Children Learn What They Live. Please teach your children that everyone deserves respect. You do. They do.

I came across the letter I wrote to the Judge on our case, dated August 29, 1991:

Dear Judge Leroy H. Moe:

Last year Kurt and I moved out of the same house as Pat and moved into an apartment in Coral Springs. That was proven to be a mistake. Pat came to my apartment on numerous occasions after being served with two different Restraining Orders. He broke the living room windows of my apartment because I wouldn’t speak with him, only mentioning one incident. Coral Springs Police Department has records of other incidences. Pat started to attend counseling last year when I left him because he beat me on several occasions. He was given the prescription “Prozac”. After taking the medication and had been going to counseling for nearly seven months at that time, I felt he had changed and was a “better person”, and since my love for him was so deep, and obviously my self-esteem was very low at that time, I decided to move back in with him, along with my son. What happened on the night of May 7, 1991 is the reason why I am writing this letter to you.

As you can see from police reports, HRS reports, pictures, my son’s statement recorded by the Coral Springs Police, etc., Kurt was abused by Patrick Murphy. Pat is a criminal. The laws do not protect my son, or anyone else for that matter, except the criminals. Since this was his first “reported” case, the law is not tough on Pat. I want to be sure that it is on record that Pat committed this crime so it will help the next person he hurts. He has an illness, people aren’t cured from this overnight. I’m not sure if anyone is ever cured. The prozac only prevented him from hurting someone for a short time.

My son, now 5, has to deal with this tragedy for the rest of his life. Being his mother, I am trying to do the best I can for him. We have moved away so the memories of Pat are not seen every day, i.e., seeing Pat, seeing any of his kids that were at the home the night this happened and didn’t help him. He thinks of these things, as well as I do. He’s having a hard time understanding why this was done to him by someone who told him he loved him. We are attending counseling and I am also trying to reinforce him that it was not Kurt’s fault, etc. Judge Moe, you’ve seen this thing happen thousands of times and by now you must understand or I hope you will try to understand, what kind of an impact trauma has on a child.

I hope you will find it in your heart and hopefully the laws that someone shouldn’t be able to commit such a crime and be let go so easily because it was his “first offense” or because of who he is. Patrick Murphy committed a crime, has a violent history with me and his former wife. He has attended counseling for a year now, and where has that gotten him? Only into the court system once again.

I just want to be sure that hopefully he will never hurt anyone else again, and when he does, the courts know he has a history, so the next victim, because I know in time there will be another, will have Kurt’s case as back-up, and then maybe justice will be served. Maybe by then the courts will realize the violent temper that Pat has and maybe institutionalizing him for a period of time can help.

I also feel that Pat should not be allowed ever to seal his records of the court. That will not help the next victim.

I made a terrible mistake by moving back in with Pat and now my son must live with the mistake also. It’s going to be a very long, hard road for my son and I but with determination and God’s strength we will come out winners in the end.

Thank you for your time. Please consider my sons feelings and mine in making your final decision on the future of Patrick Murphy and the residents of the community in which he is living.

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