Community Members Participating in Violence Awareness
Empowering communities to make a difference

Columbus, Ohio – May 13, 2011–Locals in Franklin County are welcome to participate in a violence awareness event in recognition of survivors of abuse on May 21, 2011 from 10:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m. outside the Franklin County Courthouse at 373 S. High Street, Columbus, Ohio.

This event is organized by Don’t Sweep It – Speak IT, a national effort started by two victim advocates. The community will have an opportunity to access resources provided by local agencies, to learn how to report abuse, and to speak amongst survivors. Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine’s office will be amongst those in attendance with information available to the public.

Diann Diaz, co-organizer for the event, said, “We are raising awareness for victims of child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault. Our desire is for communities to understand sweeping abuse issues under the rug may prevent the healing process and re-victimize everyone involved. Not speaking about abuse issues unfortunately strengthens perpetrators abilities to commit crimes repeatedly. We do not ask for money. We ask for unity within the community.”

Co-Organizer, Joanna Doane, also said, “Healing for many survivors of abuse too often begins with what they must tell themselves in an effort to counter all that society tells them. Healing should not be a process of learning to heal despite not being believed, or being treated insensitively, or being forced into silence. That is what we’re working to change.”

If you are an area organization and would like to provide information on May 21st from 10:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m., please contact organizers at admin@dontsweepit.org

To learn more about Don’t Sweep It – Speak IT visit their website at www.dontsweepit.org

Twenty years ago today I brought my son to the police station when I filed an Aggravated Child Abuse report on my ‘then’ fiance, which led to an arrest.  I wrote more about this on the anniversary last year.   Please feel free to read my prior post here and here.

I would rather reflect this year on the blessings.

As a parent, I had always wanted my child(ren) to have more than I had received in life.  I am not speaking about material items, as I have learned through the years, those are not at all important in life.

I have been blessed with a child whose direction led him to Faith.  Friends with Faith.  Wholesome friends who support one another.  They show respect to one another and to their parents.  They take the initiative to develop healthy relationships.

Throughout the past 25 years, I sit back, watch and listen to my son; often times tears fill my eyes – with happiness.

Thank you for being who you are, child of mine.  For making the decisions you have made.

You have grown into a fine young man.

Thank you for making “Mothers Day” a day I truly cherish.  A day I celebrate all year-long because of you.

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According to the CDC, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused. These crimes are extremely prevalent, but shrouded in silence and shame. Every person knows someone who has been affected by sexual assault, but the majority of folks will never even know it! It is up to us to be the voice for everyone who has been silenced by violence!!

This 5K walk is an empowering opportunity to raise awareness about sexual assault, as well as to support this organization that strives to support survivors and draw attention to the prevalence of sexual violence.

Date:  Saturday, April 30th
Location: The Huckleberry Trail/NRV Mall (entrance by Sears)
782 New River Rd
Christiansburg, VA

Registration: 10:00 – 10:45am
Walker Meeting: 10:45am
Walk: 11:00am – 12:00pm
Speakers/Music/Poetry/Misc: 12:15pm

Our goal is to have 35 people participating in the walk and for each of those people to find sponsors to walk. We hope each participant can raise $350 in sponsorships – it may seem daunting, but if you break it down, you’d only need to find:

10 people to sponsor you at $35 OR
35 people to sponsor you at $10

INSTRUCTIONS:

To be a Walker:

1. E-mail Diann Diaz (dianndiaz@gmail.com) with your intent. She will send you a walker packet and detailed instructions ASAP.

2. Start fundraising. Collect the money yourself and then make your contributions at Give Forward http://www.giveforward.com/pavenrvwalk or direct your sponsor to donate via Give Forward*. (Instructions on how to do this will be provided in your packet)

*Walkers may either collect through sponsorships or give out of pocket a minimum donation of $35 to walk. The goal for each walker to raise $350 total in sponsorships.

3. Come out for the walk and celebration. Be sure to invite your sponsors to cheer you on and help Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! ~ Thank you!

To sponsor the National PAVE NRV Virginia Walk (if you aren’t able to attend):

1. Follow the steps provided on Give Forward http://www.giveforward.com/pavenrvwalk to make a donation to PAVE in order to help build their library series of multi-media educational and prevention materials! ~ Thank you!

Need an idea to help raise funds for this walk?

Inspire 10 of your friends/family with a Potluck dinner! Everyone brings a dish and donates to the event! Watch a DVD after dinner – or make it a game night!

Inspire your co-workers/classmates to join in on the fun the day of the walk. Not only are we raising awareness for a great cause – fresh air and exercise is a great way to be with friends in the springtime!

Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence!
www.ShatteringTheSilence.org

This woodpecker flaps his wings back and forth from the light post to the bird feeder throughout each day.

Eventually, that light post will be ‘no more’ from all his ‘pecking’ he’s been doing!   Last week we had spring-like weather which brought many birds to our back fields pulling up worms from the ground. 

Here is another beautiful bird who graced our presence with his beauty.  Who is King of the light pole now?

The flock of ‘common birds’ don’t go near the woodpecker when he is on the birdcage or the light pole.  Why?  Is it because of his strong beak?  Is it because he is different?  Because of his loud noises?

Do you ever ‘chip away’ at something and others leave you behind because you may be different from the common flock?

If you are determined about something, keep at it – never give up.  Pursue your passion, your dreams.  Those are yours and for no one to ever take away from you.

Sometimes,  those who ‘may seem like common flock’ are not to be followed or to be amongst your friends.

Keep chipping away at what is right.  You will eventually get to where you are meant to be.

Maybe you are there now.

Photo credits:  Joe Diaz

“Maybe a little paranoid, but wondered if your abusers might see this post & somehow try to harm you/your child again. God bless you!”

1. I had no idea who this message was from (not on my FB friends list). 

2. What post was this person in reference?

I responded to the sender:

What post are you in reference to?

I figured that was simple enough.  If that person responds, I’ll go from there.

The individual responded quickly informing me which FB page I placed a comment.  My reply:

 To answer your first question. #1 – I have no control over what my past abusers may or may not read. #2 – My post was to hopefully educate others and give hope/support for anyone that may be in a similar situation #3 – I will not live in fear of the past. I am an advocate and publically speak of my story.

I am grateful for this message in my inbox.

I asked people the same question years ago, and I probably received a similar response I sent to this individual.  Years ago when I received such an answer, I probably – no – I know I was in ‘awe’ of that answer.  I thought, “How could someone just blatantly put out such information?”

Oh, what I have learned since I first questioned.

The message  led me to thoughts of just how far I have traveled.  The word ‘paranoid’ in the message kept ringing in my ear.  Victims of abuse have the right to feel anything they want.  But they should not have to live in fear.

When I moved back to Florida it was actually terrifying to me.   My last abuser still lived there.  He actually lived in the neighboring city.

I hid that fear from most people.  The best I could.  I never told anyone where ‘he’ lived.  Not even any of my family members, except my husband.

When the house was empty – kids in school – hubby at work – any noise of course was my ex trying to get me – so I thought.  When I would go to the store  – ‘he’ was following me – so I thought.   When my hubby and I would walk hand-in-hand down the street or in the mall, ‘he’ would be watching – so I thought. 

Life as I knew it was counseling, hard work, determination, and support from my husband.   Oh yeah – and being a mom, (new) wife, stepmom to four awesome kids, having a full-time job, taking care of the house.  And everything else in between.  Like the peanut butter & jelly inside the bread.  You know.  It has to be spread just right. 

Straightening up and peeling off the duct tape.

Then my son and I started volunteering together at Women in Distress.  We started telling our story in public for the first time.  We gained the power over ‘him’.  We took the power back.  We were named “Speakers of the Year”!

My opinion is any abuse survivor should speak about their story if they are comfortable in doing so, and only if it is safe for them and their family.

If you have read my past entries, you already know more of my story. 

I am grateful for that message in my inbox.  It caused me to reflect on this path of life, once again.  

Thank you .   As this post would not have occurred if it weren’t for your e-mail.

The path which guides me to help others.  I never want to take it for granted.

 And by the way, the comment I had made on FB?  It was in response to a Domestic Abuse article.  Please take a few moments to read this article. 

And here is my comment I posted on the FB page of the Mary Kay Foundation:

Thank you for publishing this article. I left my ex-husband and stayed gone. My ex-fiance I left 3 times before I stayed gone; but the last time he had also abused my child. That was my last straw. I broke the cycle of abuse by leaving my ex, but it wasn’t until I learned what a Healthy Relationship looked like (and lived it) that I could pass onto my child and break the cycle of abuse totally, so we would not be in an abusive situation again; nor would my child learn those behaviors in our home.

I have been wanting to sell my creations for years.  I usually give as gifts.  I’ve had sales here and there and made a few bucks, that was great.  But never pushed to make a business.

When I finally decided to push myself, I knew I wanted to create a separate blog from here to list my items and continue to create art.  I needed to create an Etsy Store.  “No problem”, I thought.  I shook thinking it wasn’t going to look as good as other stores, nor would items sell and it would be a waste of time.

 Why did I feel the internal torture of the words ’professionalism’ and ‘perfection’ (haunting my brain) that was keeping me away from just allowing the creativity that comes naturally?

Then came an “Aha Moment”!  Something else sneaking up from the past ~ that clutter of cobwebs that needed to be shaken away, yet again.  It was always drilled in my head to be the BEST at everything when I was young.  Although, not always a bad thing.  Just when it makes you feel unworthy.

Many times throughout my life, these thoughts kept me from making ‘the next steps’ in life.  Due to fear of making a mistake.  If I make the next step and fail, I would be a disappointment.  So, I just stayed where I was because it was ’safe’. 

But the desire of always wanting more and not moving to the next step left me feeling empty and unfulfilled. 

I am up for the challenge.  I am learning how to write a blog and how to start a business.

I can make mistakes and it is ok!  No one is going to yell and scream at me anymore.  I am not going to allow it. 

I deserve respect.  Everyone does.

So I am going to have fun with my creations and enjoy what I love to do. 

And I hope you do too.

(photo credits:  suphakit73, Lisa McDonald, Clare Bloomfield)

Like the wind in your hair?

Get an adrenalin rush and the feeling of Power?

Feels exciting to master those turns?

Until one day.

One day maybe all that is left is a phone call or knock on your family or friends door asking to come and identify your body.

Then we are left with the Power.  The Power to stay strong.

The Power to remember your good looks, Faith, and to wonder why you felt you had to drive ‘so fast’.   Selfish!

Or maybe your Power to stay strong.  Maybe because of the speed of your car, you were unable to slow down quickly enough you hit a car.  In that car was a family.

Who are you to hold that Power to possibly hurt or take away someone’s life?

All because you like to:

                                 Drive in the Fast Lane?

I tried to explain to a friend of mine years ago what living with an abusive husband was like – and I remember her not understanding.  She also didn’t understand why it took me so long to get out of the relationship(s).  Then years later, while speaking in many classrooms about domestic abuse and in front of crowds about my own past history, it really dawned on me.   Trying to explain ‘living in that darkness’ to someone who has never experienced such horrific details, is honestly like speaking French to someone who only understands English.  It is wonderful they may never have experienced such abuse, but hopefully they will also show compassion to those that suffer at the hands of monsters.  It really isn’t until you explain to them about healthy relationships, boundaries, self-respect, that the ‘lightbulb’ moment happens. 

Same thing happened to me.  That’s when I found freedom.

Awareness is key to this horrible epidemic.  Please read below about the Holidays and Abusive Relationships an article I wrote in the Examiner.com and check out the really cool PSA that Kenny Wallace did with his high school sweetheart he married years ago!  I, for one, truly appreciated it!  Merry Christmas everyone!

Holidays and Abusive Relationships 

Not only were we very angry children (inside) feeling responsible, but often times this lead us to a path of becoming very loyal (angry) adults who knew no boundaries.  Just because someone is related to us, doesn’t mean they “own” us and does not excuse violence, abuse, or neglect.  Everyone wants nice parents.  But that just isn’t in the cards for all of us.  Once we realize that and move on, the sooner to healing and living a happy, healthy life.

Do you have children now?  Maybe you are repeating the patterns and not realizing it.  I’m sure you do not want to repeat the pattern(s) you once lived, for your children.  Healthy relationships and boundaries are important in any relationship in life.  Pass those behaviors on to your children to learn!  Children Learn What They Live!

Click here to read post on: Enjoy Your Relationships

Click here to read post on: Confidence

As the holiday season approaches, it is a stressful time of year for many; especially survivors of abuse.  It can be a very triggering time of year.  And being around family without setting boundaries, can sometimes make for a holiday disaster. 

Put yourself first.  You are in control.  Give yourself permission to either break away or at the very least, set those boundaries with family and/or friends that are not healthy for you. 

If you or someone you know needs someone to talk to or are looking for help, please call the local Crisis Center in your area.  If you prefer, many religious organizations having organized weekly/monthly meetings, as well.  There is always someone to talk to when you need help.  You are never alone. 

If you are thinking, “I’m not in crisis, why would I call a crisis center?”  Crisis centers have various resources available for individuals in the community.

For a list of local crisis centers in your area, please call:  1-800-656-HOPE

Or you may go to:  Search for a local crisis center